You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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