Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize