Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
