I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
