My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
