I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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