My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
