I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
