she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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