hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
