i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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