This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
