We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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