remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
