dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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