dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
