I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
