It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
