Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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