Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
