dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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