ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
