You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
