i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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