the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
