I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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