Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
