He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
