Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
