Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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