Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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