I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
