Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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