reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
