She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
