Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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