Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
