He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
