Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
