I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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