he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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