you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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