I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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