it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
