Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
