Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
