ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
