it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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