Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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