are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
