so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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