is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
