I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it's great music for shaving your balls
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
