Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
