This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
