I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
