im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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