cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
