Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
