I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize