Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Two words: blizzard sex
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
