i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
