Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
