My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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