pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
