he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
