So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
