So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
