People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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