I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
