I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
