i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
