I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just pee around me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize