He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
