I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
