My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
