Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
