Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
