His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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