I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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