I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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