yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
