Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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