I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
