I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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