I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
