The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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