I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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