we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize