I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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