watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I believe in your delicious
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My feet surprised me
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