In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
barbara walters just said penis...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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