Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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